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Home » Blog » The Intersection Of Grief And Mental Health: How Counselling Can Improve Both

We tell ourselves stories in order to live. 

We tell ourselves stories in order to cope with loss. 

We tell ourselves stories in order to make sense of the chaos and the pain that surrounds us. 

But what happens when the stories we tell ourselves are not enough? When the stories we tell ourselves are not true? When the stories we tell ourselves are not ours?

This is a blog about grief and mental health. 

About how grief can affect our mental health in ways that we may not realise or acknowledge. 

About how grief can manifest itself in different forms and stages, and how we can navigate through them. 

About how grief can challenge our identity, our relationships, our beliefs, and our sense of purpose. 

About how grief can teach us something about ourselves, about others, and about life.

This is not a blog that offers easy answers or quick fixes. This is not a blog that pretends to know what you are going through or what you should do. This is not a blog that tells you how to grieve or how to heal. This is a blog that shares stories, insights, and resources from people who have experienced grief and mental health issues, and from experts who have studied them. This is a blog that invites you to join a conversation, to share your own stories, to ask your own questions, to find your own meaning.

This is a blog for anyone who has ever lost someone or something they loved. For anyone who has ever struggled with their mental health. For anyone who has ever wondered how to live with grief and mental health. For anyone who has ever wanted to tell their own story.

Grief is the natural and normal response to loss. It is the emotional, physical, mental, social, and spiritual reaction that occurs when someone or something we love is taken away from us. Grief is not a problem to be solved or a disease to be cured. Grief is a process to be experienced and expressed.

Grief is not a linear or predictable process. It does not follow a set of stages or a fixed timeline. It does not have a clear beginning or an end. Grief is complex and dynamic. It can change over time and vary from person to person. It can affect every aspect of our lives and every dimension of our being.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is not something to be ashamed of or to hide from. Grief is a sign of love and attachment. It is something to be honoured and respected. Grief is a part of being human and a part of living.

Types of Grief

There are many types of grief, depending on the nature and circumstances of the loss. Some of the common types of grief are:

1. Traumatic Grief: This is a type of grief that may occur following a violent or sudden death or if the person who died was young. Traumatic grief can cause feelings of shock, horror, and fear, as well as intrusive thoughts and memories of the death. Traumatic grief can also impair one’s ability to trust, feel safe, and connect with others. Traumatic grief may require specialized treatment that addresses both the trauma and the loss²³.

2. Delayed Grief: This is a type of grief that occurs when one struggles to process their grief right away, and experiences grief months or even years later. Delayed grief can be triggered by reminders of the loss, such as anniversaries, holidays, or life events. Delayed grief can also result from suppressing or avoiding one’s emotions, due to factors such as social pressure, stigma, or lack of support. Delayed grief can be as intense and painful as immediate grief⁴ .

3. Disenfranchised Grief: This is a type of grief that occurs when one feels unable to discuss the death or loss openly due to stigma, leading them to grieve silently. Disenfranchised grief can happen when the loss is not socially recognized or validated, such as the death of a pet, an ex-partner, a friend, or an unborn child. Disenfranchised grief can also happen when the relationship with the deceased was stigmatized or hidden, such as in cases of infidelity, abuse, addiction, or suicide.

4. Complicated Grief: This is a type of grief that is chronic, intense, and disruptive to one’s everyday life and requires professional help to resolve. Complicated grief can involve persistent longing and preoccupation with the deceased, difficulty accepting the reality of the loss, excessive guilt or anger, detachment from others, loss of interest in life, and suicidal thoughts. Complicated grief can occur when the loss is traumatic, sudden, or unexpected; when the relationship with the deceased was ambivalent or dependent; or when one has a history of mental health issues or previous losses.

5. Mourning: This is the outward expression of grief, such as crying, talking, writing, praying, ritualizing, or memorialising. Mourning is the way we show our grief to ourselves and to others. Mourning is not mandatory or universal. It can vary depending on our culture, religion, personality, and preferences.

Source:(1) What Are the Types of Grief? | Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-grief.

(2) 13 Types of Grief + How to Treat Loss in Therapy – PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/grief-types/.

(3) The different types of grief – Griefline. https://griefline.org.au/resources/types-of-grief/.

(4) The 8 types of grief explained | happiness.com. https://www.happiness.com/magazine/health-body/eight-types-of-grief-explained/.

Intersection of Grief and Mental Health: Why To Seek Counselling

Research has shown that grief can trigger a range of mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Infact, there are many ways grief can show up in humans.

You migh want to read: 5-step model to help adults shift from childhood trauma – xMonks

One study found that approximately 20% of individuals who experience a major loss will develop depression within one year. Another study found that individuals who experience traumatic loss are at increased risk for developing PTSD.

The impact of grief on mental health can be particularly challenging for those who already struggle with mental health issues. For example, individuals with a history of depression may be more susceptible to developing complicated grief, a type of grief that is persistent and debilitating. 

Similarly, individuals with anxiety may experience an exacerbation of their symptoms in response to a loss.

Grief can involve a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and numbness. Grief can also affect our physical health, causing symptoms like insomnia, fatigue, appetite changes, headaches, and chest pain.

Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process to be experienced. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no set timeline for how long grief lasts. However, sometimes grief can become overwhelming and interfere with our daily functioning and well-being. We may feel stuck in our grief, unable to move forward or find meaning in life. We may experience complicated grief, which is a persistent and intense form of grief that does not improve over time. We may also experience traumatic grief, which is a result of a sudden or violent loss that causes feelings of shock, horror, and fear.

In such cases, we may benefit from seeking professional help to cope with our grief. 

Grief Counselling is one of the most effective ways to support our mental health and facilitate our healing process. Grief Counselling can provide us with a safe and confidential space to express our feelings and thoughts about the loss. Grief Counselling can also help us to:

– Understand the stages and tasks of grief

– Identify and challenge any negative or distorted beliefs about ourselves, the loss, or the world

– Develop healthy coping skills and self-care strategies

– Find support and connection with others who have experienced similar losses

– Explore the meaning and purpose of the loss and our life

– Rebuild our sense of identity and direction

– Honor and remember our loved one in positive ways

There are different types of counselling that can help us with our grief, depending on our needs and preferences. Some of the most common ones are:

– Individual counselling: This involves working one-on-one with a counsellor who can tailor the sessions to our specific goals and challenges.

– Group counselling: This involves joining a group of people who have experienced similar losses and sharing our stories and feelings with them. Group counselling can offer us a sense of belonging, validation, and mutual support.

– Family counselling: This involves meeting with a counsellor together with our family members who are also affected by the loss. Family counselling can help us to improve our communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen our bonds.

– Online counselling: This involves using technology such as phone, video chat, or text messaging to connect with a counsellor remotely. Online counselling can offer us convenience, accessibility, and flexibility.

Counselling is not a quick fix or a magic solution for our grief. It is a collaborative process that requires our active participation and commitment. It may also involve facing some difficult emotions and memories that we may have avoided or suppressed. However, counselling can also be a rewarding and empowering experience that can help us to heal from our loss and move forward with hope and resilience.

What We Need To Understand About Grief

A lot of people try to understand grief. But here is what we should be understanding rather-

People think reading about grief will make them understand what it is. Not because they have lost someone close to them. They have been reading about how grief can make one sick, how it can hurt one’s body and one’s brain, how it can trigger anxiety and depression, and how it can change one’s sense of self and one’s view of the world.

They have been reading about grief because they want to understand it. They want to understand what it does to people, why it does it, and how they can cope with it. They want to understand grief because they know that someday they will have to face it, and they want to be prepared.

But they also know that reading about grief is not the same as experiencing it. They know that grief is not something that can be explained or analysed or rationalised. They know that grief is not something that can be measured or quantified or categorised. They know that grief is not something that can be predicted or controlled or avoided.

Grief is something that happens to people, and they have to deal with it.

Grief is a natural response to loss. It is a process of adaptation, of learning to live without someone or something that was important to them. It is a process of mourning, of expressing their sorrow and honouring their memories. It is a process of healing, of finding new meaning and purpose in their lives.

But grief is also a complex and unpredictable phenomenon. It affects everyone differently, depending on their personality, their relationship with the deceased, their culture, their beliefs, their support system, their coping skills, and their previous experiences with loss. It manifests itself in different ways, ranging from sadness and anger to guilt and numbness. It follows no set timeline or stages, but rather fluctuates and recurs over time. It interacts with other factors, such as stress, trauma, illness, or life changes.

Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be faced.

Some people may think that grief is a sign of weakness or abnormality. They may think that grief is something that should be overcome or suppressed or ignored. They may think that grief is something that should be hidden or avoided or denied.

But they are wrong.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or abnormality. It is a sign of love and attachment. It is a sign of humanity and empathy. It is a sign of caring and compassion.

Grief is not something that should be overcome or suppressed or ignored. It is something that should be acknowledged and expressed and shared. It is something that should be supported and comforted and validated.

Grief is not something that should be hidden or avoided or denied. It is something that should be seen and heard and understood. It is something that should be respected and honoured and remembered.

Grief is not a disease to be cured, but a journey to be taken.

Some people may think that grief has an end point or a goal. They may think that grief has a deadline or a limit. They may think that grief has a destination or a resolution.

But they are wrong.

Grief has no end point or goal. It is not something that one can finish or complete or achieve. It is not something that one can check off their list or cross out their calendar.

Grief has no deadline or limit. It is not something that one can rush or force or speed up. It is not something that one can measure or compare or judge.

Grief has no destination or resolution. It is not something that one can reach or settle or close. It is not something that one can forget or erase or replace.

Grief is an ongoing process of transformation, of learning to live with loss. It is an ongoing process of integration, of incorporating the loss into one’s identity and one’s story. It is an ongoing process of growth, of discovering new strengths and resources within oneself and around oneself.

Grief does not define people, but it shapes them.

We have to realise that grief is not something that they can understand by reading about it. Grief is something that they can only understand by living through it.

And they have realised that grief is not something that they have to fear or dread or avoid. Grief is something that they can embrace and accept and welcome.

Because grief, simply, means that they have loved.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some common signs and symptoms of grief?

Grief can affect us in different ways, but some common signs and symptoms include: feeling sad, angry, guilty, anxious, or numb; crying or having trouble sleeping; losing interest in activities or people; having difficulty concentrating or making decisions; experiencing physical problems such as headaches, chest pain, or fatigue; and having dreams or memories of the person who died.

How long does grief last?

There is no set time frame for how long grief lasts. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. Some people may feel better after a few weeks or months, while others may take years to heal. Grief is not a linear process, but rather a cycle that can fluctuate and recur over time. It is normal to have ups and downs, and to experience different emotions at different stages.

When should I seek professional help for my grief?

It is normal to feel overwhelmed and distressed by a loss, but sometimes grief can become too much to handle on your own. You may benefit from seeking professional help if you: feel stuck or unable to move forward; have thoughts of harming yourself or others; use alcohol or drugs to cope; isolate yourself from others; experience severe depression or anxiety; or have trouble functioning in your daily life.

What is the difference between grief and depression?

Grief and depression are both normal responses to loss, but they are not the same. Grief is a natural and healthy reaction that involves a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and relief. Grief usually comes and goes in waves, and allows for moments of joy and hope. Depression is a mental disorder that causes persistent and severe low mood, loss of interest, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts. Depression can impair one’s ability to function in daily life and may require medication or therapy.

How can I cope with my grief on my own?

There are many ways you can cope with your grief on your own, such as: expressing your feelings through writing, talking, or art; taking care of your physical health by eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising; seeking comfort from your spirituality or faith; joining a support group or online community; engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy; creating a memorial or tribute for your loved one; and allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel without judgement.