Humans are social beings by nature. We are wired to seek acceptance from our peers. We shape opinions about our actions, whether our actions are good and praise-worthy based on the social cues we receive from others. It feels amazing when we are validated by others, and it makes us want to act in a similar manner in the future in order to relive the same good feelings.

Although desiring external validation is natural and safe, it may go too far when it becomes an addiction and/or is not balanced by healthy levels of self-esteem. People start craving for others’ approval in these situations, even if it means jeopardising their own mental and physical health.

Being interdependent and depending on the guidance and motivation of others is a part of validation. Also the most self-reliant people need affirmation in certain areas of their lives; however, they are capable of accepting self-validation if they do not obtain it from others.

In other words, if an individual prioritises the acceptance, approval, or acknowledgement of others over their own feelings, they will need ongoing affirmation from that external, other person.

We understand the importance of insight from multiple viewpoints, but we might be searching for something else without realising it.

We might get upset when the advice and views aren’t as we expect. Anger, sadness, and a lack of motivation can all result from disappointment. The key cause of this frustration — and more — is that we keep looking for external approval. We need approval and assurance to do the things we think are best. When we don’t get outside affirmation, it transforms into other emotions and thoughts that can affect us negatively.

This kind of dependence makes it look rather needy instead of looking like encouragement.

External Validation and Social Influence

The way people frame themselves and their identities based on how others react to their posts has grown into a significant need for affirmation from others., Thanks to social media and the way people frame themselves and their identities based on how others respond to their posts. Social networking, according to Matthew Lieberman, a psychology professor at the University of California, Los Angeles and author of Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Interact, satisfies the need to belong to a group and prevent feeling lonely and weak. (Tjepkema, 2019; Liebman, 2013)

Most people have a friend who is regularly sharing and checking in on their messages’ likes, comments, retweets, and shares. And it’s not just a few people; over 3.2 billion people worldwide use social media on a regular basis. According to Emarsys, this figure represents roughly 42 percent of the overall global population.

This, coupled with a desire for in-person affirmation, can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, as well as an addiction to gaining attention, recognition, and acknowledgement in all aspects of life.