Let’s face it, dealing with toxic relationships can be challenging. But with emotional intelligence (EI), navigating these situations becomes a little less daunting.

Take the case of former Starbucks CEO, Howard Schultz, who demonstrated remarkable EI in handling a crisis that threatened the company’s reputation. In 2018, two black men were arrested at a Starbucks store in Philadelphia for sitting in the cafe without ordering anything. The incident sparked protests and calls for a boycott of Starbucks.

Schultz, who was no longer the CEO at the time, responded with empathy and accountability. He flew to Philadelphia to meet with the men and personally apologised to them. He also took responsibility for the incident and pledged to close all Starbucks stores for a day of racial bias training. By demonstrating emotional intelligence, Schultz was able to turn a negative situation into a positive one and help rebuild the company’s reputation.

In a workplace setting, emotional intelligence can help leaders navigate toxic relationships by allowing them to understand and manage their own emotions, empathise with the emotions of others, and communicate effectively. This enables leaders to address issues in a constructive and productive manner, rather than reacting negatively or defensively.

Emotional intelligence can help you regulate your own emotions

One of the key components of emotional intelligence is self-regulation. This means that you have the ability to manage your own emotions, even in challenging situations. By doing so, you can avoid reacting impulsively or inappropriately to a toxic colleague or situation, and instead respond in a more thoughtful and constructive way.

Emotional intelligence can help you empathise with others 

Another component of emotional intelligence is empathy. This means that you have the ability to understand and relate to other people’s emotions and experiences. By being empathetic, you can better understand where a toxic colleague is coming from and what might be driving their behaviour. This can help you communicate more effectively and find ways to work together more harmoniously.

Emotional intelligence can help you communicate effectively 

Effective communication is a crucial skill in navigating any relationship, especially a toxic one. Emotional intelligence can help you communicate more effectively by enabling you to listen actively, speak clearly, and express yourself in a way that resonates with others. By communicating in a constructive and empathetic way, you can defuse tension and find common ground with even the most challenging colleague.

Emotional intelligence can help you build and maintain positive relationships 

Ultimately, emotional intelligence can help you build and maintain positive relationships with all your colleagues, toxic or not. By being self-aware, empathetic, and skilled at communication, you can create a more positive and productive work environment for yourself and your team. And who knows, you might even inspire your toxic colleague to develop their own emotional intelligence and transform the relationship for the better!

Emotionally Intelligent Practices Derived From Buddhism

Buddhist texts are rich banks for us to learn EI from. It has elaborate stories on awareness, listening and empathy. Let’s understand each of these practices from these inspired stories. 

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and aware of your thoughts and feelings. By practising mindfulness, leaders can better manage their own emotions and respond to the situation in a way that is calm and effective.

In the Buddhist tradition, mindfulness is a key component of meditation practice. By practising mindfulness meditation, leaders can cultivate a sense of inner calm and equanimity, which can help them navigate toxic relationships with more ease and grace.

   2. Practice self-awareness: In Buddhism, self-awareness is a key component of mindfulness meditation. By taking the time to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgement, we can develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and our reactions to the world around us. 

One example of this comes from a Buddhist story about a monk who was insulted by a traveller. Instead of reacting with anger, the monk recognized his own emotions and chose to respond with kindness and compassion towards the traveller. This not only diffused the situation, but also helped the monk maintain his inner peace.

   3. Practise active listening: Buddhism teaches us the importance of compassion and empathy towards others. 

One story tells of a monk who was able to help a grieving mother find peace by truly listening to her and acknowledging her pain. By listening actively and seeking to understand the perspectives of others, we can cultivate empathy and build stronger relationships.

  4. Focus on solutions: In Buddhism, the concept of “right action” refers to ethical behaviour that is beneficial to oneself and others. Instead of focusing on the negative behaviour of toxic colleagues, we can focus on finding positive solutions to improve the situation. 

There is a Buddhist tale that tells of a group of monks who encountered a woman struggling to cross a river. Rather than dwelling on the difficulty of the situation, they worked together to help her cross safely to the other side.

  5. Set boundaries: Buddhism teaches us the importance of setting healthy boundaries to protect our own well-being. 

In one story, the Buddha himself encounters a man who is angry and verbally abusive towards him. Rather than reacting with anger, the Buddha remains calm and asserts his boundaries, stating that he will not accept the man’s words. By communicating assertively and setting clear boundaries, we can protect ourselves from toxic behaviour.

  6. Use positive language: In Buddhism, the words we use have the power to create either harmony or discord in our relationships. By using positive language and refraining from negative or aggressive comments, we can cultivate a more respectful and harmonious work environment. 

In the Buddhist tradition, the story of the Bodhisattva Kuan Yin exemplifies empathy. Kuan Yin is known as the “Goddess of Mercy” and is revered for her ability to empathise with all beings and help alleviate their suffering.

  7. Practice self-care: Finally, Buddhism emphasises the importance of self-care and taking care of oneself in order to be of service to others. 

There is a story when Buddha reminds his disciples to take care of their own physical and emotional needs, just as a musician must tune their instrument in order to play beautiful music. By prioritising self-care, we can avoid burnout and be better equipped to navigate toxic relationships in the workplace.

What An Emotionally Intelligent Leader Should Do?

1. Encourage Others To Develop Emotional Intelligence: As a leader, you can set an example for others by demonstrating emotional intelligence in your interactions with toxic colleagues. You can also encourage your team members to develop their own emotional intelligence skills, which can lead to a more positive and productive workplace overall.
2. Seek Professional Help If Needed: If you find that you are struggling to navigate a toxic relationship despite your best efforts, it may be helpful to seek professional help from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide you with additional strategies and support as you work through the challenges of the situation.
3. Don’t Take It Personally: It’s important to remember that toxic behaviour from others is not a reflection of your own worth or value as a person. Try to separate yourself emotionally from the situation and focus on developing a healthy, professional relationship with the individual in question.
4. Consider The Larger Context: When dealing with a toxic relationship, it can be helpful to step back and consider the larger context in which the behaviour is occurring. Are there external factors that may be contributing to the individual’s behaviour, such as work-related stress or personal issues? By understanding the root cause of the behaviour, you may be able to find more effective solutions for addressing it.
5. Celebrate Progress: Finally, it’s important to celebrate progress as you work to navigate toxic relationships with emotional intelligence. Even small victories, such as a successful conversation with a difficult colleague, can be cause for celebration and motivation to continue working towards a more positive workplace culture.

A Word To The Wise Leaders…

As leaders, we cannot control the behaviour of others, but we can control our own. By improving our emotional intelligence, we can navigate toxic relationships with grace and finesse, like a ninja gracefully dodging a sword. We can set boundaries, use positive language, and prioritise self-care to protect ourselves from the negative impact of toxic colleagues. 

Emotional intelligence is not just a skill, but a mindset. 

It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to acknowledge and manage our own emotions, and to approach others with empathy and understanding. As the famous Buddhist saying goes, “If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your own path.” By applying the principles of emotional intelligence, we not only help others, but we also help ourselves.