Home » Blog » Unopened Gift- Emotions – Centered Coaching
We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they’re telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. It also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively.
Most coaches recognise that emotions are an integral aspect of every human and each of us possesses native emotional intelligence. That does not mean coaches, in general, are either comfortable with emotions or emotionally literate. If coaches, leaders, educators, and parents want to support others emotionally we need to first build our emotional understanding, capacity, and fluency. An accurate understanding of our strengths and limitations can motivate steps for development of emotional intelligence. After all, EI is a set of learned and learnable skills, not a fixed trait.
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The term Emotional Intelligence was popularised in the mid-1990s by journalist Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. While the book’s assertion that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ is controversial among psychologists, it does appear as though emotional intelligence may play a role in academic achievement.
Self-awareness, emotional control, self-motivation, empathy, and relationship abilities all fall under the umbrella of emotional intelligence. Naturally, it is necessary for effective communication with people – and so serves as a gateway to improved learning, friendships, academic success, and employment. These kinds of skills established throughout our early years in school frequently serve as the foundation for subsequent behaviours later in life.
Since then, all subsequent study has demonstrated that social emotional learning does indeed improve children’s academic success while also reducing the risk of developing mental health illnesses and aggression. Social-emotional competences enable children to develop self-awareness and confidence, to handle challenging emotions and impulses, and to embody empathy, all of which result in improved behaviour and exam results.
We almost certainly all know someone who is an expert at managing their emotions. They do not become enraged in times of hardship. Rather than that, they are capable of examining a problem and calmly determining a solution. They make sound judgments and know when to rely on their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, they are typically willing to examine themselves objectively. They are receptive to criticism and understand when to use it to better their performance.
Understanding and managing relationship dynamics is a critical component of EQ at work, as it can have an effect on an individual’s performance.
2. Physical well-being
If an individual is unable to control his or her stress levels, major health problems might result. Stress that is not managed properly can elevate blood pressure, inhibit the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and accelerate the ageing process. The first step toward increasing emotional intelligence is to develop effective stress management techniques.
3. Mental well-being
Uncontrolled stress can also have a negative effect on one’s mental health, predisposing an individual to anxiety and despair. Individuals who are unable to comprehend and manage their emotions are also susceptible to mood swings, while their inability to develop deep relationships can leave them feeling lonely and alone.
By comprehending emotions and learning to manage them, one’s ability to express and comprehend feelings improves. Additionally, this enables more effective communication and the development of deeper relationships, both at work and in personal life.
The individuals who possess a high level of emotional intelligence have a strong sense of self and are also capable of sensing the emotional needs of others.
Coaches must understand how to use the powerful emotional elements of the brain that remain active and accessible even during times of stress in order to permanently modify behaviour in a way that stands up to pressure. This means that you cannot master emotional intelligence by simply reading about it. To be able to deal with it, you must gain experience and practise the necessary abilities in your daily life.
If you, as a coach, have a high level of emotional intelligence, you can notice your clients’ emotional states and engage them in ways that draw them toward future thinking processes, allowing them to think in many directions and discover their potential. As is well known, the primary premise of coaching is to assist clients in thinking forward by eliminating underlying assumptions that may be impeding their ability to seek directions. In this regard, emotional intelligence can work miracles in the coaching process. Numerous techniques for leveraging the emotional mind to make decisions already exist, including visualisation, visioning, the wheel of life, and the success life line.
To effectively coach others on EI, you may choose to first develop your own competences. Great coaches demonstrate emotional intelligence throughout their work: they maintain their composure and emotional equilibrium in the face of adversity. They use empathy to gain a better understanding of their clients’ views and to provide targeted, personalised feedback. They genuinely care about assisting customers in identifying growth opportunities—a critical component of the coach and mentor ability depicted in the model above.
Rather than providing advice, you might assist your client in developing self-awareness, enabling them to identify their emotions, patterns, and triggers. When you observe a trend in a client’s perceptions and actions, gently bring it to their attention to assist them in identifying the source of their impasse. When they have a bad day and revert to old habits, you may assist them in regaining control and transforming a perceived failure into a learning opportunity.
By starting with emotional self-awareness – the bedrock of emotional intelligence — your clients will develop an understanding of their emotional drivers and limitations, which will help them align with their values and goals. The capacity to assist clients in discovering or rediscovering their purpose and values is critical for maintaining growth motivation. This distinguishes exceptional instructors from those who practise cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all coaching. These coaches establish a trusting working relationship with their clients and assist them in aligning their goals with teachable competencies. Additionally, their clients are significantly more likely to perform the required work.
Dan Newby is the author of four books on emotional literacy and the founder of The School of Emotions. His vision is a world where emotions are considered normal and understood as a life skill. He works with ‘people who support people’ to help them learn emotional distinctions and techniques of leveraging emotions in all parts of their lives. In this session, he will share his personal journey from emotional ignorance to literacy and will challenge you to reconsider your understanding of and relationship with emotions. He will share what he has learned about the logic and predictability of emotions and ways they can be turned into a tool to enhance your life and the lives of your clients.
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