Emotional validation requires gaining knowledge. It means comprehending and expressing acknowledgement and acceptance of someone else’s emotional state.

In contrast, emotional invalidation refers to the act of dismissing, negating or rejecting someone’s emotions as unwarranted, unacceptable, or irrational, which may result in the person feeling dismissed, ignored, or even invalidated by their emotional experiences. 

Emotional invalidation can have negative effects on mental and emotional well-being, leading to emotional distress, self-doubt, and strained relationships.

The Different Types of Validation

Now that you have a basic understanding of emotional validation, let us take a look at the various types of validation. Emotional validation takes various forms, ranging from verbal affirmations and empathetic listening to non-verbal cues such as body language and facial expressions. 

Understanding these different types can empower us to better support and connect with others in a compassionate and validating manner. They are: 

Reflective Validation

Reflecting back on the emotions and feelings expressed by the other person. It shows that you are actively listening and trying to understand the other person’s perspective without passing judgment.

Example: “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated and disappointed about not getting the promotion at work.”

Empathetic Validation

Expressing empathy and understanding towards the other person’s emotions. It conveys that you recognize and appreciate their feelings, even if you haven’t experienced the same ones yourself.

Example: “I can understand why you would feel hurt by their comments. It’s not easy to hear negative things about yourself from others.”

Normalizing Validation

Reassuring the other person that their emotions are normal and understandable given the circumstances. It helps reduce feelings of shame or guilt and promotes self-acceptance.

Example: “It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling anxious about the upcoming exam. Many people feel that way before a big test.”

Confirmatory Validation

Acknowledging and affirming the reality or legitimacy of someone’s emotions or experiences. Confirmatory validation is especially important in situations where individuals may be facing doubt or disbelief from others, such as when sharing their experiences of trauma or discrimination.

Example: “I want you to know that I believe you. Your emotions are valid, and your experiences are real. I’m here to support you.”

Collaborative Validation 

Validating the other person’s emotions while also working together to find a solution or a way to address the issue at hand. It shows a willingness to support and collaborate in finding a resolution.

Example: “I can see that you feel overwhelmed by the workload. Let’s work together to come up with a plan to manage it more effectively.”

Redefining Validation 

Reframing the situation or the emotions in a more positive or empowering light. It can help the other person shift their perspective and see things from a different angle.

Example: “I understand that you’re feeling disappointed about not getting the job, but this could also be an opportunity for you to explore other career options that might be even better suited for you.”

Non-verbal validation: Non-verbal validation can involve gestures, facial expressions, and body language that convey understanding, empathy, and acceptance.

How To Practice Emotional Validation 

Let us now explore how to wield the powerful tool of emotional validation to foster deeper connections and create a symphony of emotional intimacy.

Here are some practical tips and techniques:

• Active Listening: When someone expresses their emotions, listen attentively and actively. Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while they are speaking. Show that you are fully present and engaged by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and using affirmative statements such as “I understand” or “Tell me more.” This validates their emotions and shows that you are genuinely interested in understanding their perspective.
• Use Empathetic Language: Choose your words carefully and use language that conveys empathy and understanding. Avoid dismissive or invalidating phrases like “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, use validating statements like “It’s understandable that you feel that way” or “I can see why that would be upsetting to you.” This acknowledges and validates their emotions as valid and legitimate.
• Practice Non–Judgment: Avoid judging or criticizing the emotions expressed by others. Everyone has the right to feel what they feel, and emotions are subjective experiences. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice or trying to fix the situation. Instead, focus on understanding and validating their emotions without imposing your own opinions or solutions.
• Validate Even When You Disagree: It’s possible to validate someone’s emotions even if you don’t agree with their perspective. You can acknowledge their emotions without endorsing their opinions or actions. For example, you can say “I understand that you’re angry, even though I see it differently.” This helps validate their emotions while maintaining your own perspective.
• Be Mindful of Your Body Language: Your body language can convey a lot about your level of validation. Show openness and receptiveness through your posture, facial expressions, and gestures. Avoid crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, or showing signs of impatience, as these can come across as dismissive or invalidating.
• Practice Self-Awareness: Emotional validation starts with self-awareness. Be mindful of your own emotions and reactions during conversations. If you notice that you’re becoming defensive, dismissive, or judgmental, take a moment to pause, breathe, and remind yourself to practice emotional validation.
• Practice Consistency: Emotional validation is not a one-time event. It’s a continuous practice. Make an effort to consistently validate the emotions of others in different settings, such as at home, at work, with friends, and in difficult conversations. The more you practice, the more natural and effective you will become at validating emotions.
• Respect Boundaries: It’s important to respect the boundaries of others when practising emotional validation. Some individuals may not be comfortable sharing their emotions openly, and that’s okay. Respect their privacy and autonomy, and avoid pressuring them to disclose their emotions if they’re not ready. Validate their boundaries and reassure them that you’re there to support them whenever they’re ready to share.

Learning how to cultivate emotional validation can create a safe and nurturing space for emotional connection to flourish, igniting a bond that withstands the test of time. 

How to Overcome Barriers to Emotional Validation 

Several common challenges can hinder the process of emotional validation. Let’s take a look at some of these barriers and strategies to overcome them:

Lack of Emotional Awareness: Many people struggle with identifying and expressing their own emotions, which can make it challenging for them to validate the emotions of others. This can stem from cultural or societal norms discouraging emotional expression or from childhood experiences that have taught them to suppress their emotions. 

To overcome this barrier, it’s essential to develop emotional awareness by learning to identify and label your own emotions. Practice self-reflection, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend or therapist to gain insight into your emotional landscape. This self-awareness can then help you better understand and validate the emotions of others.

Fear of Judgment: Fear of being judged or misunderstood can hinder emotional validation. People may worry that expressing empathy for someone’s emotions may be seen as weak or vulnerable. It’s important to remember that emotional validation is not about agreeing with someone or condoning their behaviour; it’s about acknowledging their emotions and offering support. 

To overcome this barrier, practice non-judgmental and compassionate listening. Create a safe and accepting environment where people feel comfortable expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. Focus on understanding their perspective rather than evaluating or criticizing it.

Cognitive Dissonance: Cognitive dissonance occurs when there is a mismatch between your beliefs or values and someone else’s emotions or opinions. It can make it challenging to validate emotions that don’t align with your own views. It’s important to recognize that emotions are subjective and can vary from person to person.

Overcoming cognitive dissonance requires developing an open-minded attitude and a willingness to accept and validate emotions that may differ from your own. Practice active listening, suspend judgment, and focus on understanding the emotions being expressed rather than trying to change or challenge them.

Emotional Burnout: Emotionally validating others can be emotionally taxing, especially if you are dealing with your own challenges or have limited emotional resources. Emotional burnout can make it difficult to offer validation consistently. 

It’s crucial to practice self-care and set healthy boundaries to avoid emotional exhaustion. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counsellor. Remember that you need to take care of yourself first before you can effectively validate others’ emotions.

Communication Barriers: Communication barriers such as language barriers, differences in communication styles, or a lack of effective communication skills can hinder emotional validation. 

It’s essential to develop effective communication skills, such as active listening, paraphrasing, and using open-ended questions. Be mindful of the language you use and avoid dismissive or invalidating language. Clarify any misunderstandings and ensure that both parties understand each other’s emotions and perspectives.

Once we gain an understanding of the barriers that are hindering emotional validation, we can attain clarity and take steps to overcome them swiftly.

Why is Emotional Validation Important? 

Emotional validation transcends societal norms and cultural boundaries. It is a reminder of our shared humanity, a testament to our capacity for empathy and understanding. 

Emotional validation is not a luxury, but a necessity for fostering deep human connection and building meaningful relationships. It is a balm that can heal wounds, bridge divides and bring us closer to our shared humanity.

Let us break it down for you:

• Emotional validation conveys acceptance: It satisfies the human need for belonging and promotes a sense of calm. Accepting and acknowledging the value of oneself and others fosters a sense of connection and inclusion.
• Emotional validation provides feedback: It helps individuals understand they are on a valid emotional track. Life can be confusing, and knowing that one’s thoughts and feelings are normal or make sense can provide reassurance and clarity. While everyone’s internal experiences may differ, understanding that one’s emotions are valid can be comforting and affirming.
• Emotional validation aids in emotional regulation: When we feel heard and understood, it can relieve the urgency of our emotions. This may be because not feeling understood can trigger thoughts of exclusion and fear, as social connection is vital for survival. Validation helps soothe emotional distress.
• Emotional validation contributes to building identity: When others reflect our thoughts, values, and choices back to us, it helps us see our own personality traits more clearly, aiding in the development of our identity.
• Emotional validation strengthens relationships: Feeling accepted and validated by others fosters a sense of connection, as it releases chemicals associated with bonding.
• Emotional validation promotes understanding and effective communication: Validation allows us to better understand another person’s perspective, as our perceptions and memories are limited. It enhances communication by acknowledging and respecting their point of view.
• Emotional validation communicates importance: Validating someone’s emotions communicates that they are important to us and that we care about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It shows that we are there for them.
• Emotional validation fosters perseverance: Acknowledging the difficulty of a task through validation can help people maintain their motivation and willpower, especially during challenging times.

Conclusion

By acknowledging and accepting the emotions of others without judgment, we create a safe space for open communication and deep connection. It is never too late to start practising emotional validation in our daily lives.